"But You Can Choose Your Friend"

I was reminded of the old saying that "you cannot choose your family but you can choose your friends." What reminded me of the old saying was the fact that we spent few days with old friends. All of us were impressed and pleased by how comfortable and relaxed we felt. There was no need to pretend, compete, or even be careful about our behavior with one another. We discussed personal, family and health problems in addition to reminiscing about "old times." The warmth and closeness we experienced is what one expects to have when family members re-unite. There are people who are fortunate enough to have this type of closeness with family. However, for the rest of us, family experiences are far from pleasant.

Family relationships are often fraught with long and bitter histories made up of resentments, jealousies, rivalries, secretes and unresolved issues, none of which ever is discussed. With this background of experience, many people visit family as part of a sense of obligation rather than pleasure. Whether the length of the visit is a day, week or month, people come away with a renewed sense of anger and resentment.

But, Old Friends?

It should be needless to remind everyone that the same types of dynamics that afflict family members can afflict friendships.

However, friendships that have been for a long time have also weathered the "slings and arrows of misguided fortune." Old friendships are "tried and true" and that is what makes them special. Because friendships are not bound by blood but they last because people choose to maintain those relationships. In other words, there are no obligations between friends of the type and variety that cause relatives to deal with each other whether they want to or not. Therefore, friendship relationships are relaxed, joking, and wonderfully informal rather than being driven by guilt and moral commitment.

Therefore, I want to thank my old friends for spending a week with me at their house while we were vacationing. What a delicious experience; to be on vacation and with old friends at the very same time.